We paid a visit to my mother-in-law (MIL) at the nursing home today. She was just released from the hospital after being admitted for having seizures and a urinary tract infection. Since her major medical issues that began last September, she has not been able to return home and has been in some sort of health care facility. What made her release from the hospital different this time, however, was the fact that the Dr. said she was deteriorating quickly and he felt like she was ready for hospice care.
I am saddened that my MIL was never able to fully recover from that September incident. That day, she passed out while talking to a friend at her home. A few hours later, she was taken by Life-Flight to the medical center, where a top surgeon repaired a torn aortic valve. Although the surgery went well, we would soon discover that she had multiple strokes during the surgery. She stayed in ICU for an extended period of time and from there she was taken to a rehab facility, then skilled nursing and finally a nursing home. She has had moments where we were hopeful she would be able to return to pre-surgery life; however, the symptoms in her body seemed to take a toll on her will to recover, as she would often refuse therapy and medications.
Quick background info--my relationship with my MIL has not always been amicable. Out of respect for my MIL, I’ll spare many of the personal details, but suffice it to say that we did not agree on many fronts, from how to raise children to how to peel potatoes to how to do the laundry. Now, while these differences are perfectly normal, what made them such hindrances to our relationship was the fact that my MIL lived in our home for many years, so we had to face them daily. Honestly, I felt as though I had been handed the biggest love test I would ever face, yet, because of the continual relationship strain and my inability to stay focused on God’s word concerning love, I continued to fail, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year.
Well, since my MIL’s tragic day, the Lord has begun to do a work in my heart. I know that’s an indictment against me, that something tragic had to happen before my heart would begin to change. Nevertheless, during a time when she was coherent and able to remember who I was, I made sure that I told her that I loved her. I asked her for forgiveness and she asked me for the same. Although there would not be the opportunity to make up for what was damaged due to the battle of our differences, there would be the opportunity to finally see what I should have seen all along- that regardless of how many times I felt we were on opposing sides, the strife that existed between us was nothing more than a plan from Satan to “divide and conquer” my family.
It is amazing how when we’re going through a trial, we can only see things at surface level. If we could get a bird’s eye view of situations, we’d see that people are not our enemies and our perspective would change. Regarding enemies, the Bible puts it this way:
“For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.” Ephesians 6:12 NLT
Seeing my MIL’s fragile body and broken spirit has changed my perspective, as I now see her through the eyes of a loving God. I no longer see an enemy of my childish preferences, but I now see a woman who is precious in the sight of the Lord, the apple of God’s eye. Although the spark in her eye and the strength in her voice have gone, the love in her heart for Jesus is as strong as it ever was. Just the mention of His name lights up her countenance. She’s forgotten many things, but she has not forgotten her Savior, Redeemer and Friend. In fact, in moments of clarity over the past few months, she has assured us that she is ready and even longs to be taken to her heavenly home to be forever with her King Jesus.
So at her bedside today, I believe the Lord gave me another opportunity to pass the love test. With overwhelming compassion in my heart and knowing her desire to escape from this temporary world, I took her hand and began to pray. I prayed that God would overshadow her with His compassion and mercy; that He would give her the desires of her heart. I thanked God for preparing a glorious place for her in eternity. I prayed that she would be at peace as she begins the journey to leave this world behind. I prayed that her present life would be overtaken by eternity, just as the Apostle Paul so fittingly puts it in 2 Corinthians 5 (NLT):
1. For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down (that is, when we die and leave this earthly body), we will have a house in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands. 2. We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long to put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing. 3. For we will put on heavenly bodies; we will not be spirits without bodies. 4. While we live in these earthly bodies, we groan and sigh, but it’s not that we want to die and get rid of these bodies that clothe us. Rather, we want to put on our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by life. 5. God himself has prepared us for this, and as a guarantee he has given us his Holy Spirit. 6. So we are always confident, even though we know that as long as we live in these bodies we are not at home with the Lord. 7. For we live by believing and not by seeing. 8. Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord.
The sweet presence of the Lord filled the room during those few minutes of our prayer. While her eternal destiny is in the hands of God, we believe He hears the groanings and longings of her heart and He is faithful to perform His word on her behalf.
I’m not sure if I passed the love test this time. However, I do know that the “divide” the enemy tried to create was repaired by God’s forgiveness and the “conquer” the enemy tried to claim over my family was overwhelmed by God’s love. The Bible says in James 5:16 (KJV) to “…pray for one another that you may be healed…” I believe that by me praying for her, the Lord was able to bring healing to me, to my heart.
As we wait for God to do His glorious work in my MIL’s life, I keep hearing this song in my head.
From “Running” by CFNI:
I hear the voice
It’s the voice of the One I love
He’s calling my name
I hear the voice
The voice of the One I love,
He’s calling my name
He’s saying…
Come up higher
I hear the angels sing
Come up higher, my beloved
Come up higher and leave this world behind
I find you to be beautiful
I am running, running after You
You’ve become my soul’s delight
I am running, running after You
Here with You I find my life.
Blessings,
FLF
